Thump in the night 040710

Today went to the dentist for a broken tooth and I saw Dr. Eric. I had a root canal. No fun. It took up far too much of my day, and tomorrow there are two activities which will take up most of another day.

The other thing that took time was Facebook. I started off with just a couple of friends and most of the time I ignored it. But lately it has taken a bunch of time. For some unknown reason I’m getting lots of friend requests both at SVUUS and from old California high school friends—and from acquaintances. It is as though it just became a fad among both groups. One friend leads to another and if you respond to peoples’ messages or posts they respond to yours and time slips away. Now I am involved with a couple of conversations that I would just as soon drop, but when people reveal personal stuff it is hard to just abandon the conversation. I’m not sure what the etiquette is on Facebook about such things. One problem is that people soon find out I am a counselor and seem to feel free to reveal stuff.

I enjoy writing, working on the database and playing the organ. Enjoyment on the organ has slipped a little. I think that I need to spend more time playing. Also, if I can stop looking at the keys I’ll learn to locate them automatically, then I could focus on doing new things and enjoying the music.

I still have some days, though when I tell people that my brain is just not working. It is like the old notion of biorhythms—that when your biorhythms are down you just don’t function well, but when they are up you are golden. I hate the dysfunctional days when it seems that I live in a dystopia. The other thing, though, is that when I’m not sleeping or when there is stress, or there is a physical problem (today it was the dentist), then the gut does not work as well. Two days ago I was able to stop the shoulder from keeping me awake, and I stopped taking ibuprofen on an empty stomach, then the gut started feeling better. Improvement in the mental acuity was not so noticeable, but I think the biorhythms nudged up a little. I still occasionally do feel angry—I overreact, at least internally, with anger. I am not sure if that is a result of stress caused by the sore shoulder or by something else. I’ll have to pay attention and see if I can figure that out.

Michelle has been having bad days and good days. I like it when she feels better—and it is very noticeable. But I feel bad when she is having a bad day. It may be sympathy, or it may simply be that I feel unable to help her. I find myself doing things for her if I can think of things to do, like making and taking her some Gatorade so she will get more hydrated. A few nights ago, in the middle of the night there was a loud thump and Michelle yelled “No!”. At first I thought the dog jumped on her bed in the middle of the night. But when I went to investigate she was lying in her doorway very groggy. At the time it seemed that she had fallen, probably passed out, but not had a seizure. Of course we can’t be sure. The next day she was sore in a couple of places and did not remember calling out. I woke Lorri and we helped her to bed. But it didn’t seem that we did enough as her parents. I probably have some guilt about her lupus as well as helplessness. As I write this I feel angry at the disease and feel frustrated. So the biggest factors for me are anger and helplessness. She has gotten into Facebook as well. For her it is a good thing. She works at home and doesn’t go out enough, so the sociality is a good thing for her.